Cats and Dogs

That's pretty much what's been happening outside for the last hour. Raining cats and dogs. It's ridiculously wet and we're going to Suches tomorrow for the Indian Summer festival. According to the National Weather Service, Suches is under a flash flood warning for Saturday and Sunday. Who here thinks the Indian Summer festival ISN'T going to happen?

Yeah. Pretty much.

Tyler and I managed to not kill each other. Yet. I've just discovered that I CANNOT talk about politics with him. I should have learned that earlier this summer when we nearly got into a different argument. About politics. *Sigh* That's really frustrating.

Chuck Sr is home. How do I know this? He beeped the car alarm TEN times. Ten. Ten times.

(I know. I know. He says "years" but same difference. I pretty much said this, word for word, when he did it.)

Then? He came out and beeped it three more times 45 minutes later.

I really, REALLY, want to shove that key fob down his throat.

Hope all is well in Chicago. Here is wet. And... yeah. Pretty much a sogging mess.

Da bears, ya'll!

Irritable Vowels

The t-shirt I wore today pretty much sums up my mood...

After getting into a near-shouting match with Tyler over Planned Parenthood, having four vials of blood drawn, and then having this happen on Facebook...

(This is what I posted about the podcast...)

(And that middle comment riiiiiight there from Christina just about made me want to throw my new iPhone into the creek behind our house.)

I hope your Wednesday in Chicago is going more swimmingly than my Wednesday in Woodstock. 

Da bears, ya'll!

The Terrible Tuesdays

Tuesdays just got really bad.

Wait, allow me to preface this.

When the twins came home from school on Monday, I saw that they had ExP letters in their binders. It seems that they'll both be participating in extra math tutoring every Tuesday at 2:30PM for an hour. Until the end of March. The math nerd in me is all That's great! The mother in me is all HOLY CRAP WE'RE A FAILURE!!!

This morning dawned with a ridiculous schedule. 2:30PM? Pick up Jarrod. 3:20PM? Load Jarrod into the car to pick up Heath at 3:30. 4:20PM? Leave Heath and Jarrod (ssssshhhhhh.... don't tell DFACS!) to pick up Amelia from her art workshop at 4:30. Then? Spend the next hour listening to Amelia sob and cry that she can't play with her friends, fix dinner, make them eat dinner, and then Jarrod goes off to taekwondo.

This whole motherhood thing is great? But I think I need to go to Fiji. For 20 years.

Hope Chicago is drier than it is here. (Wait... hang on. I'll check the weather... yep dry with wind.) As I'm typing this, it's thundering and raining quite hard and Macy is downstairs trying to convince Tyler that there's an apocalypse afoot.

The kids and I called Randy yesterday and sang Happy Birthday to him. I couldn't tell if he was chuffed or confused. Your husband is a hard nut to crack.

At any rate, I went over to Jeremy's apartment last night to record a podcast during which we geeked out over the whole "ZOMG!! FLOWING WATER ON MARS!" news for a solid 40 minutes. Said podcast will be up tomorrow (just go here) and feel free to listen if you are so inclined. Jeremy lamented that his Instagram account wasn't being used very much so I obliged him with a selfie:

Clearly, the Zoloft is working too well.

Da bears, ya'll!

Hungover Hogwarts

Woman, I was COMPLETELY hungover this morning! Yeah. Headache, nausea, the whole works. I barely got the kids' their breakfast, made myself coffee, drank half of it, and gulped down some Advil before I collapsed back onto the couch for 90 minutes in a stupor. I got up at 10:30 just in time to rush around and do the last-minute party preparations.

I don't think I ever want to touch another bottle of moscato/schnapps ever again.

OK. Fine. Maybe sometime in November.

Anyway, the party went off without a hitch! As you can see, it was quite the success.

Even little Josephine came down! She sat through the ENTIRE movie. Which is more than I can say for Jarrod and Chase...

Amelia was a little sad because her two friends from school didn't come. They never replied to the invitation, so I'm going to have to investigate that a little further. I'm glad Paige and Bella were there, though.

Heath and his new buddy Connor (green shirt, far right) are nerds in a pod. Over pizza, I heard them talking about the Air and Space Museum and NASA. My nerd heart quivered. Finally, my little man has a best friend!

The best part of the day, though, was when I passed out the Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. Jarrod walks up to Mom and asks, "Is this one banana?" It was yellow with white flecks which is CLEARLY rotten egg. Mom said, "Yeah, that's banana." He pops it in his mouth and she looks at me and winks. Two chews later, he was gagging, spitting it out in the trash, and trying to wipe off his tongue. Mom looks at me and says, "Little shit. Serves him right. He shouldn't have kept getting up and distracting everyone during the movie!"

Don't cross my mother, yo.

Thirty minutes after the last kid left, I headed to Perimeter for dinner with Teri and another old ExecuTrain friend, Reed, who was in town for his Emory University 25th reunion. And now? This hungover, middle-aged nerd is going to bed. Hope your flight to Chicago was OK!

Da bears, ya'll!

And We're Outta Here!!

So, you're going to leave Ireland day after tomorrow. Therefore, this will be my last post before you come home. I know you're out sightseeing tomorrow so HAVE A TON OF FUN!!!!!

I took the kids to the Tellus museum today and we had a really great time!

So sad to say that the 4,400 pound amethyst geode would NOT fit in the car. Disappointed that the kids didn't even try to help me get it out of the museum in the first place. Lazy, ungrateful bums. It would have made the perfect centerpiece to an otherwise ho-hum suburban front yard. But, next time we go back, I'll try for it. You in?

Jarrod's main MO was to run around and FIND ALL THE GOLD, MAMA! I LOVE GOLD! IT'S MY FAVORITE! I think I'm going to start calling him Scrooge. Or get him a job advertising gold coins on TV.  Speaking of Jarrod, he managed to choke on part of his PB&J sandwich at the cafe. I hadn't even sat down when he sputtered and then looked at me panicked. Just as I got in position to do the Heimlich, he swallowed it. He cried and I stopped shaking halfway through my tuna salad sandwich. Kids.

We whizzed through dinosaur bones and old cars (snooze-fest) and immediately went panning for gemstones.

Of course, the gemstones are small. Miniscule. Barely visible to the 40-something naked eye. I thought about telling them to collect enough to pay off the house for a month (emeralds, amethysts, and tiger eyes, OH MY!) but, yeah. Not so much. What we DID get was tee-tiny little Ziploc baggies of chips of semi-semi-semi-precious polished rocks (agate - BAH!) and wet shirts and shorts. And I ended up with a handful of purple quartz. Each time they found a piece, "HERE MAMA! HERE! THIS IS FOR YOU!!!" Yep, right up there with dandelions and gravel gifts. *Sniff!*

The best part of this 40-minute-long adventure, though, came from the random 4-year-old who got a kick out of the automatic hand dryers and decided to stand under one and loudly giggle. For 10 minutes. True story.

And then? The kids discovered the fossil room...

That wasn't actually dirt. And it wasn't sand. All I can figure is that it's tiny little bits of tan-colored recycled rubber. It had a really weird texture that I did not like. And the kids were supposed to brush it away to reveal the fossils underneath. The boys? Brushed. Amelia? Dug with two hands like a danged rat terrier after a rodent. Little bits of rubber were EVERYWHERE. Yeah. I pretended not to know them and acted like I was horrified at the feral kids in the fossil pit.

WHAT?!? It was the only way I could check on my Facebook/Twitter/Instagram feeds!

At any rate, we survived and it's time for me to hit the sack. See you on Sunday! Slán, ya'll!

Blarney This

You're going to kiss the Blarney Stone?!?!

Honey, sounds like you're having an adventure. YOU should be telling ME about your days, not the other way around. My crap is BORING!!!!

So, Amelia broke out into a secondary rash on her chest and I went into full-on mystery illness panic mode and yanked her back to the pediatrician. It was then that we discovered that, huh, that mystery butt rash is better. And the chest rash? Kind of lacy. Lacy rash = fifths disease. But... but... but... we dealt with that crap three years ago! I DON'T WANT FIFTHS DISEASE AGAIN!!! IT HURT!! AND MY NEIGHBOR HAD TO BABYSIT MY PANIC ATTACKS!! She asked me what symptoms Amelia had when she had fifths and we determined that she must have had a mild case and now, another mild case. And that the boys and I should be fine.

If I'm huddled in a corner, in the fetal position, at the CDC, when you return, you'll know why.

So, Mystery Rash 2015 is clearing up and will go in the history books alongside Pneumonia 2015 as TOTALLY SUCKING!

Nothing else to report. It's 10AM here. Kids are doing chores/reading/workbooks/piano and when they're done, I'm taking them to the Tellus Museum. Send me good juju. I'm going to need it!

Slán, ya'll!

Hammer Time!

I leave this here, without comment. It's me. Playing my dulcimer. And it's meh. But, hey! It's better than me prattling on for five pages, right?

Slán, ya'll!

PS Heard you're going to French kiss the Blarney Stone! All I have to say is you better wipe that face off with Clorox before you step off the plane. Nasty, germy Jodi!

Breaking Up With Pluto Is Hard To Do

Astronomers in 2005: PLUTO IS NOW A DWARF PLANET! THERE ARE ONLY EIGHT PLANETS IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM!

Everybody else: Srsly? That's cold, bro.

Pluto in 2015: That picture to the left.

As you can see, I've been glued to the Twitter all day, watching any and all updates from @NASA, and squeeing with glee at the comeuppance Pluto is giving to all those hack astronomers ten years ago. Ah, yes, revenge is a dish best served cold. -387 degrees Fahrenheit, to be exact.

Anyway, things have been the usual ho-hum here. Amelia went to the pediatrician yesterday who said, "Huh. Dunno. Let's test her for rectal strep!" Which... apparently... is a thing. And I had no idea. We'll, hopefully, get the results tomorrow. And I'm REALLY hoping that's what she has because I don't need another mysterious kid illness on my hands. Pneumonia 2015 'bout did me in.

Yesterday, at Kroger (aka The Ninth Circle of Hell), the boys saw "Birthday Cake Quaker Granola Bars" and this random sighting of absolutely nothing interesting led to them weaving down the cereal aisle (in addition to several others), loudly singing "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" The neighborhood now probably thinks I'm giving them 'ludes. And, as usual, my reputation as a stellar mother precedes me.

Speaking of which AT WHAT POINT DID IT BECOME CHEAPER TO SEND MY KIDS OUT OF STATE TO COLLEGE THAN IT IS TO SHOP WEEKLY AT KROGER?!? I mean, seriously? That shit is stupid-expensive. Like, here, take my kidney and I'll use that money to buy bread and milk. And by the way, where's the nearest dumpster so that I can collect our dinner?

Dude.

One of my azalea bushes has two blossoms on it.

All I can say is... GO HOME AZALEA BUSH! YOU'RE DRUNK! IT'S NOT SPRING! IT'S HOT-AS-FUCK*-MIDDLE-OF-THE-SUMMER! CHRISTMAS IN JULY SALES ARE GOING ON! THERE ARE NO EASTER EGGS! NO APRIL SHOWERS! ONLY BRUTAL, NEVER-ENDING HEAT AND MOSQUITOES! SAVE THAT SHIT FOR NEXT YEAR!

They don't bloom when I want them to and bloom when they damned well feel like it. It's bad enough my kids do that, but now my shrubbery has to do it, too?

#plantpuberty

My squirrel has returned every single day to gorge himself on my sunflower seeds/peanuts/corn yummies. And today? He brought a friend. That's two. By the weekend, I expect that to double to four. By the end of summer, I should have an army of squirrels to do my bidding AND I WILL RULE TOWNE LAKE!!!!

CREMATORIES ON EVERY CORNER!!!

PEANUT OFFERINGS ON EVERY FRONT PORCH!!!

COUCHES ON ALL THE LAWNS!!!

RUSTED HARLEY DAVIDSONS IN EVERY DRIVEWAY!!!

SQUIRREL MINION DOMINATION WILL BE MINE!!!

I should probably lay off the coffee.

I leave you with this final picture:

That's the view outside my window as I type this. It's about to storm buckets (severe thunderstorm watch and warning for another 15 minutes). The lightning is fierce and I should put this to bed. Hope all is well across The Big Pond!

Slán, ya'll!

*Last time I checked, this is NOT a family show. Ahem.

ZOMG!!!!!

I TOTALLY FORGOT TO WRITE A POST LAST NIGHT! AND NOW IT'S TUESDAY MORNING! AND I'M THE WORST FRIEND EVAR!!!!

In lieu of a decent post, we instead give you this video clip of David Letterman and Jack Hanna. Because, really, the only reason we ever watched David Letterman was to see and hear him verbally spar with this midwestern zoo director.

Bless their hearts.

PS I've decided now to refer to myself in the third-person plural. Like I'm friggin' royalty. Queen Heather, bitchez!!!

Snapped

Bet you thought I wasn't going to blog about anything, did ya? You're sitting over there in Ireland, with all those gorgeous, sexy, Irishmen, drinking all that sexy, dark beer, stewing because I told you I was going to blog, but I clearly haven't.

OH YEAH?!? WELL, I'M HERE TO TELL YOU, MISSY, THAT I WAS BUSY GETTING MY CLOROX ON, THANKYOUVERYMUCH!

So, anyway. On with the show!

The Shinto salt must've worked because it's status quo as usual with no angst or stress from next door. I mean, it's been pretty quiet since The Great Tree Felling of 'ween '14 but, hey, you can never be too careful. At some point, her bitchy conscience is going to override her guilty conscience and BAM! All HOA Hell will break loose again. So, I feel that the salt is just extra insurance. Granted, I probably just sprinkled some Morton's that some little Japanese guy poured into a bag, labeled $3, as he giggled about gullible haole tourists.

Worth. Every. Penny.

Anyway. Saturday started off with us taking the kids to see a movie at the Movie Tavern... for breakfast. The movie (Inside Out) was very cute (I cried, dang it. ALL THE PARENTAL EMOTIONS!!!!). The breakfast? Meh. I didn't know you could screw up eggs benedict that badly. But, hey. Time with the kids was worth it. Plus? We took this picture of Jarrod in the lobby:

Bless his dorky heart.

Last night, we headed over to a birthday party while Mom watched the kids. Our friend Brett (ghost hunting friend) turned 32 and had a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles party. And we all geeked out talking about Star Wars/Star Trek/Firefly/Dune/Disney/video games. Basically, just mention ANY nerdy subject and we ranted and raved about it for four hours. Good times!

(Birthday boy is not, I repeat, NOT in this picture. Because he was off talking to other people. Sucka.)

Today has been a day full of me whining. See, Amelia has this strange, awful, red, itchy rash on her bottom. It's not diaper rash or anything like that. I can't tell what it is. And, of course, it flares up over the weekend. (Sigh.) So, first course of business Monday morning is a trip to the pediatrician. Which meant doing Monday's housework today. Which meant, no Sunday for Mama. Anyway, I cleaned bathrooms, stripped beds, and folded mounds of laundry, all while watching a "Snapped" marathon on the Oxygen channel. You see where this is going, right? Women murdering their men. Me doing housework on a Sunday.

Yep, really bad combo.

On a lighter note, since getting rid of the bird feeder (ALL THE CARDINALS CAN SUCK IT!!), I felt like I needed to feed SOMETHING. Squirrels!!!!

Me and St. Francis are doing a bang-up job! Now, if I could just train him to crap on Janice's front stoop... (the squirrel, not St. Francis, although watching a Catholic saint take a dump on her stoop would be hi-larious)

Slán, ya'll!

Coming Home

I have no clue if you're asleep, on your way to the airport, at the airport, hanging out at the pub, buying up every sweater in town, or where you are. Right now, it's 8:46PM and I'm in my office. I reek of tuna (thanks, Andy) and just finished an episode of "Deadliest Catch" (and now I want crab with melted butter). It's going to be 54-degrees tonight (screw Celsius - I'm old and set in my ways) and today was utterly glorious.

I actually managed to get all three kids on the front stoop, reading, for 30 solid minutes. They're gung-ho to get a free Barnes & Noble book. I'm re-reading a book from a favorite series (The Land of the Painted Caves from Jean Auel's "Earth's Children" series) and it was so amazingly peaceful to have my three munchkins reading with me. Summer? Is going to be AWESOME!!! I just need to keep the iPads hidden.

Speaking of awesome, you have to watch this video. Remember the song "The Final Countdown?" It was a song from the band Europe. Big in the 1980s. Well, picture it being played on banjos. Absolutely glorious. Here it is.

Be safe coming home and I'll see you soon!

Slán, ya'll!

Ankles, Egypt, and Books, OH MY!

So, I had an across-the-lawn conference with Randall and he told me about Rachel's ankle.

Dude.

I told him to let me know if I need to let the dogs out on Friday, if I need to pick you up on Friday, if I need to hold anybody's hand on Friday, just let me know! So, just let me know, OK? Regardless, I'll be delivering some chocolate cupcakes on Friday because those help bones to knit, tendons and ligaments to heal, and cures jet lag. I know this because I'm science-y and I said so.

I went to the school this morning and gave my annual presentation to Mrs. Denney's class about Egypt. I just love her. She's one of those teachers I just want to fold up and keep in my pocket because she's so sweet and joyful and happy about most everything. And then, when I left the school, this blonde woman in the parking lot said, "Hi, Heather!" Honestly, I didn't recognize her and I said hello back and then she said, "What are you doing here?" And I just looked at her for a moment, trying to figure out who this was. Then, it dawned on me. My trainer! From LA Fitness! And then she said, "I'm just surprised to see you here!"

Really?

Really.

Because, girlfriend, this is the first time I've EVER seen YOU here and I'm here every. damned. week. Sometimes twice a week. Sometimes, like this week, four times a week.

Ahem.

I came home and had a damned Diet Pepsi after that just to calm down.

After school, I carted the kids off to Barnes & Noble (because I'm a selfish bitch and instead of checking out books, we just buy them and read them and keep them like the First World assholes we are) for summer reading stock. B&N has a kids' summer reading program; read eight books and we give you one for free! I asked if they had something similar for adults. I may have been ushered out of the store a bit hastily after that. Anyway, the kids are all fired up about reading now, which should last about five days. By the second week of June, they will be over it. I may ship them over to your house.

Make sure you keep me posted about Friday. I'm here if you need me!

Slán, ya'll!

Tuesday. Meh.

Everyone always freaks out about Monday. OHMYGODIT'SMONDAYSOMEBODYKILLME!!!!!! It's this ridiculous run-on sentence of lamenting and woe and I'm just frakking sick and tired of it. Maybe, if alla youse jackasses hadn't been up late on Sunday, acting like it was Friday or Saturday, you wouldn't be so tired and out of it, amiright?

Which is why I'm convinced that the worst day of the week isn't Monday, but rather Tuesday. See, it's still the beginning of the week, you now have TWO days of not-much-sleep under your belt, and there's still a lot of homework/housework/workwork to be done. The only good Tuesday is an eating-out Tuesday, and even then, it's marginally better. But only marginally.

Yet again, I helped out Mrs. V this morning and I ended up sobbing, alone, in her classroom as I put together the kids' art books. The final project is a self-portrait done by each child and then notes from the other children about said child. So, of course, I read what the other kids had to say about Heath and Amelia. Then?!? I went and looked at what Heath and Amelia had to say about the other kids. Bawling, I tell you. I was already snotted up from this cold, but I just let the tears flow. Why can't they be this sweet and wonderful always? *Sigh* I think third grade has been my favorite. They're grown up enough that I can reason with them but they're still young and so very awesome.

I'm going to be on another paranormal podcast next Tuesday. Yeah, this is getting out of hand. Me, nattering on for an hour while all of three people listen and tune in. We'll see.

Jarrod has been obsessed with the song "Eye of the Tiger" (don't know HOW he found it) and has watched videos on YouTube of "Rocky" clips set to the song. Now? He wants to watch "Rocky." I told him fine, but absolutely NO boxing. EVER! He acted disappointed. I swear, if that child ends up in a fight ring, I quit.

So, to end our ritual blog connection, I give you today's picture of Andy. All roar and no bite.

Slán, ya'll!

Of Lost Teeth, Gardenias, and Baklava

I went to the Greek festival and ate so much that my sides hurt. Keftedes, dolmades, tyropita, spanikopita, loukoumades, and on and on and on.

Holy. Crap.

I didn't take a picture of the food because I was too busy stuffing it in my pie hole. Or, in this case, my baklava hole. Now, at home, I have a bag of koulourakia and I swear by all that is holy that if anyone touches that bag besides me, there will be blood.

Yep. I loves me some Greek food.

After the Greek festival, Mom and I sat on my front porch for two hours and had a good visit. It was just.. nice. And weird. I can't figure her out. Hell, I can't figure me out. But it was extremely nice and it even stormed at one point which totally made my day. Oh, and? Best part of that afternoon talk? As it started to rain, I heard a cat yowling somewhere from your house. So, I yowled back. Twice. Then, noticed Randy standing out on the stoop looking at me like I was nuts. Which is how he always looks at me. I think he may officially be in the "Heather is a damned lunatic and she needs to stay off our damned lawn" camp.

I woke up this morning (Monday morning - it's now Monday night) with an even worse cough than when I had pneumonia. So, I'm going back to the doctor just so I can get a cough suppressant because this is batshit crazy, yo. Even with that cough, the day started off pretty great because my new gardenia bushes are blooming like CRAZY and I could smell them as I sat on the front stoop and drank my coffee. You really need to come over one morning and hang out and snort some gardenia essence. It's totally trippindicular.

And, I'll leave you with this picture of Jarrod. Another tooth is gone. Between that one and Amelia, there have been five tooth fairy payouts in as many weeks. We're going to need those payouts to pay for dentures.

Slán, ya'll!

Greek Food and Rain... Perfect Day!

Saturday started off with a frenzy of making beds, laundry folding, blah, blah, the usual. I've discovered that Saturdays are no different from Mondays and Wednesdays and other days. Finally, at 11, Tyler took the kids to swim lessons while I headed to Kroger for cookie cake and balloons. It was party time at the bowling alley!

In years past, I've emailed everyone in the kids' classes for the party, sweated over the parents who would never respond, called the venue to tell them, "Ten people will be there," only to have three or so mothers call at the last minute to say they would be there. After ten years, I'm finally done with that nonsense. I only invited Paige, Bella, Chase, and Jarrod's class friend TJ. We had two lanes, seven kids, and it was awesome. I'm on the "smaller is better" bandwagon from now on!

We came home and chilled out until 7PM, which is when we walked over to Kim's and Mark's house (aka Paige's and Bella's house) and had an evening of drinks/appetizers with Kim and Mark, Sheryl and Dharmesh, and Melissa and David. And HOLY CRAP! David can talk! Like, whole conversations and stuff! The kids all played outside with flashlights, Will sneaked through the woods and scared the pants off them (the screaming was hilarious) and McKenna drove them around in David's and Melissa's new golf cart. Finally, we realized it was 11 and all the kids needed to go to bed (read: Amelia was in hysterics over the most ridiculous infraction and everyone was bickering except Heath who was drunk on fatigue and smiling like a loon.) The evening was just about perfect. Would have been better with you there. *Sigh*

Now, it's Sunday morning. The Logo channel is having a "Facts of Life" marathon. BLAIR! NATALIE! JO! TOOTIE!!!!! LIFE LESSONS GALORE! and I've been out on the front porch, enjoying my flowers. My gardenias are blooming and when the breeze hits them just right, the whole front of the house smells amazeballs. You'll need to come over when you get back and shove your nose in those puppies because it's too awesome for words! Mom is coming over and then we're off to the Marietta Greek Festival where we will stuff our faces and eat and gorge and then rub our bellies and groan in pain. The pain will be completely worth it.

Can you believe it? Andy received fan mail this week. One of my West Virginia friends who ordered a book sent him a bag of cat treats. His head is now bigger than Montana and he's become difficult to live with. You may have to come over and have a talk with him because he's just unbearable.

Well, I've got to go. It's the "Facts of Life" episode when Blair's sister (being played by Marsha Brady) decides to become a nun. EXCITEMENT!!!!

Slán, ya'll!

Sick. And Tired.

Yep. Amelia is still sick. Took her to the doctor today and the pediatrician said, "Lungs are clear. Bring her back on Wednesday if she still has a fever." Meanwhile, I'm screaming in my head...

I KNOW SHE'S GOING TO HAVE A FEVER ALL THE WAY THROUGH WEDNESDAY! SO MY DAUGHTER IS GOING TO MISS FOUR DAYS OF SCHOOL BECAUSE WE NEED TO WAIT AND SEE! IMMA WAIT AND SEE ALL UP IN HUR IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME SOME 'CILLIN!

Sweet Brown is my spirit animal, y'hear?

I suppose Chicago is cold. I found out that DirecTV has BBC World News 24/7 on channel 346. So, Fox News has been unceremoniously dumped (SUCK ON THAT, ELISABETH HASSELBECK!). As part of the BBC World News broadcast, they give world-wide weather reports. In Celsius. Except for us poor, backwater Yanks, and they give us Celsius and then Fahrenheit. Because we're pitiful. And Jimmy Carter sucks. But that's another story for another day.

I've decided that I need to make the Celsius transition therefore, I'm here to inform you that it's 9-degrees C in Chicago tonight.

This transition is gonna suck. (PS Woodstock is 16-degrees C right now.)

We haven't gone to see the great-niece, yet. Have no idea when we'll be able to go. Have I mentioned that having three kids who regularly catch whatever bubonic plague is going around is a real style-cramper?

Anyway, it's a little after 9PM. Enjoy being on God's Time (as my western-Kentucky friend Claire used to call Central Time) and talk at you tomorrow!

DA BEARS, YA'LL!!!!

Side note: I'm pretty sure the kid in this video is still a virgin.

3.1415 and Sabotage

I didn't blog last night because, seriously, my butt was in bed by 7PM.

Yeah.

BUT IT'S PI DAY!!!! AND YOU'RE COMING HOME!!!! And I'm on a total Beastie Boys kick. So, here's "Sabotage" for your watching pleasure. See you soon!!!!!

Slán, ya'll! 

I Did Not Approve This

Poor, sad, cut-down tree.

That? Right there? Was the view from my bedroom window this morning. I went upstairs to take a shower, and just as I was stripping down to my unmentionables, I heard it.

Chainsaws.

My first thought was, "Huh. Randall has finally gone off the deep end and has gone all Georgia Chainsaw Massacre on the neighborhood."

Then, my second thought was, "I'd like to see that."

So, I peeped ever-so-carefully out of my blinds.*

And what did I see? The death of your majestic, sod-killing tree. Now, all I want to know is... WHERE IS MY DAMNED HOA MODIFICATION REQUEST/NOTIFICATION THINGAMAJIG?!? I didn't sign off on bupkis and when you get home, Missy, there had better be one in my mailbox. Pronto. Or there's going to be Hell to pay.

Either that or you just get me drunk on Moscato, as usual, and we'll call it Even-Steven.

Later on, whilst enjoying a mug of coffee with Bailey's cherry cordial (the afternoon drink I've decided to call #winningatmotherhood) Jarrod asked me to help him organize his Pokémon cards. During the entire procedure, this was me:

I heard through the Rachel grapevine that you're coming home on Saturday. After this, there will be one, COUNT 'EM!, ONE more blog post. SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Slán, ya'll!

*Even though I only popped up one blind, at eye level, just enough to peek out of, I was paranoid that the entire neighborhood could see my secrets from Victoria.

All's Quiet On The Wellesley Front

Today? Peaceful. Quiet. Uneventful.

THANK GOODNESS!!!

I'm currently reading three books. The Wind Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami, Countdown to Zero Day by Kim Zetter, and some hardcore smut by S.E. Smith. I'm reading the Japanese fiction in the morning with my coffee, the Stuxnet/computer hacking intrigue in the afternoon while the kids do homework, and the smut while I'm trying to fall asleep. I've decided that I've become this ADHD mess of attention span (LOOK! SHINY THINGS!!!!! OVER THERE!) and get bored with just one book. So, I'm going to try the three book thing until I finish them or my head explodes. I figure I'll keep with the good fiction/non-fiction/smut combo to satisfy all my reading needs.

Obviously, I need help.

In lieu of the boring state of affairs over here, I'm giving you a link to this web site here. This guy takes urban kids on hikes and writes down everything they say. I pretty much spewed milk on my monitor. You're welcome.

MR. CODY, THEM FREEZY POPS I SNUCK IN MY BACKPACK ARE UNFROZEN, BUT HIT ME UP IF YOU WANT SOMETHIN BLUE TO DRINK!

Slán, ya'll!

Imma Have To Eat Me Some Chocolate

Tonight was a first. I couldn't find Heath. I had dinner ready on the table at 5:45 and Jarrod was already at home. Heath had strolled in five minutes before and I sent him out to get Amelia because he knew where she was. Five minutes later, Amelia comes in.

No Heath.

I texted Kim and she told me that Paige and Bella weren't home today. Amelia told me that she was hiking around in the woods behind Kim's house when Heath hollered at her from the hill and told her to come home. I, then, proceeded to march up the street to go find his butt. He wasn't at Kim's, wasn't behind her house in the woods. Knocked on Chase's door. "Is Heath here?" Nuh-huh.

So then? I started to panic. I went back home, freaked out, and asked Amelia and Jarrod "ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS?!? BECAUSE HE'S NOWHERE!!!!!"

I sent Kim a text telling her my predicament. She met me in front of her house and we proceeded to look at the woods from her deck. I went out her front door, up the hill toward the grey house at the entrance of Mercer Drive, where young 4-year-old Abby visits her grandmother on Mondays and Tuesdays. I KNOW he can't be there because I had a long discussion with them that included the words, "You don't go up to Abby's grandmother's house unless you tell me first because I can't see you up there and have no clue where you are." I mean, this is Heath. He wouldn't disobey me, right? But, the alternative was that he was kidnapped, injured, or dead. Because he can't be there. He's the good one who listens. Which means he's gone. Poof.

Kim was calling for him in her cul-de-sac and around the woods and I was chanting, "NotHeathNotHeathNotHeathNotHeath!" all the way up that hill. I rang DeDe's bell...

And there was Heath, bounding down the stairs.

So, yeah. He's grounded for a week. And I couldn't decide whether to kiss him or pound him.

Instead, I lectured him and went upstairs to my closet and cried while Tyler finished said lecture.

They're all safely in bed, lesson learned.

And I'm going to drown my motherhood sorrows in dark chocolate and peanut butter.

Or, I'll break into your house for some Moscato. Whatevs.

Slán, ya'll!

I Farted In Zumba This Morning

Sláinte bitches!

No lie. Twice. I think the second one may have been audible over the music to the woman behind me.

*Facepalm.*

Cherry seems to have recovered from her strained back from two weeks ago. Thank goodness because there is NO WAY I could deal with any more front row attempts.

That picture right there? That's the one I tried to send to you via text. I was drinking coffee out of the mug you gave me and had Heath take a picture. I think I'll hire him out for weddings.

I FINALLY sucked it up today and started organizing all my GAD stuff for next year. I just couldn't face it last week. I'm working on it for an hour a day and it will be done by Friday. Cary sent out an email for debrief reports. Didn't know if you saw that. My favorite part of the email?

Dr. Martisko had a wonderful experience talking with you guys, our coaches, and our decathletes.  He had nothing but glowing things to say about our program.

Yep. I like to think my drunken giggle-fest with said Dr. is what got that ball rolling.

Heath went back to school today (Thank, Cthulhu!) and homework was surprisingly light. I'm not sure what to make of that. Is a homework bomb going to go off next week? Should I be peeking around corners for homework fairies and their nefarious homework dust?

I sent Rachel a text today about babysitting and she was able to come over tonight and watch kids. Tyler and I just got back and, yet again, she did a great job. To commemorate the moment, I took a picture:

Pay no attention to that dork on the right.

You and Randy made a beautiful/kick-ass kid, you know that?

Well, I'm signing off. Rachel said you seemed to be less stressed this trip and that you're getting more sleep. Good. I didn't want to have to fuss at you once you got home.

Slán, ya'll!

The Hour I Lost Is NOT Under The Sofa

The worst thing about paranormal investigating, for me, is that I'm a zombie the next day from lack of sleep. Yesterday's investigation was worse than normal because I had to drive over two hours to Clayton, Georgia (which is up near Tallulah Falls), investigate for four hours, drive back two hours, and lose an hour due to the time change. So, the unfortunate effect of all of this is that I have literally lost a day because it went by too fast (lost an hour) and I was sleep-walking most of the time.

At any rate, I'll stop whining, because I know you've been working your tail off over in Ireland with nary a bit of decent sleep. Thanks again for getting me a real, honest-to-goodness, Irish sweater! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a good, freezing-cold Blackberry Winter sometime in the next two months so I can wear it. When I go to Hawai'i this summer, I'll get you whatever you want. Even a scantily-clad young Polynesian man who juggles fire.

Seriously. I'll bubble-wrap him and everything.

The cul-de-sac has been quiet this weekend, although I've barely been here. The only bit of news is that Dharmesh has pneumonia. Poor thing. Amelia lost another tooth ($2 bill from the tooth fairy - because we're cheap AND weird) and Heath officially had strep (the pediatrician called the next day and said the 24-hour culture tested positive) and is on the mend. Jarrod received a form stripe on his white belt (whatever that means) and I'll be jumping back on the exercise wagon this week which means I'll be whimpering by Tuesday.

I've been keeping on top of Systems Atlanta's Twitter account. What's funny is that I sent an email to all the business development people explaining, "It's a microblogging site. Everything is limited to 140 characters, blah, blah, blah." So, the Business Development Manager sent me a tweet today to push out for him... and it was 190 characters long. GAH!!!!!! I think I spent, no joke, 30 minutes trying to shrink the damned thing down but still make it understandable.

Me: I need to get paid for an hour of work on Sunday.
Tyler: Why?
Me: I was on "The Twitter" tweeting a tweet.
Tyler: Just one tweet?
Me: Just one.
Tyler: You're such a Twitter tweeting twat. Take your money and shut up.

Well, I'm off to bed so that I can NOT sleepwalk tomorrow. MISS YOUR CRAZY FACE!!!! And, of course, I mentioned "scantily-clad young Polynesian man who juggles fire" and I had to go Google that shit. You're welcome.

Slán, ya'll!

Too. Much. Stuff. To. Do.

ZOMG!

I HAD TO BUY BABY SHOWER GAME STUFF!

AND PICK UP FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS!

AND WRAP A WHOLE DANGED STROLLER AND CAR SEAT! AND PUT THE STROLLER TOGETHER!

AND THEN I HAD TO DRIVE MOM AND BETTY AND AMELIA TO VININGS FOR THE SHOWER! AND GET THE FLOWERS THERE WITHOUT DAMAGING THEM!

AND THEN I HAD TO HELP RUN THE BABY SHOWER! AND I WORE A SWEATER! AND HEELS! AND IT'S, LIKE, 60-DEGREES TODAY!

AND THEN COME HOME, CHANGE CLOTHES, AND GET BACK IN THE CAR!

AND GO TO CLINT'S HOUSE AND GET PGI EQUIPMENT!

AND THEN DRIVE ALL THE WAY TO DAMNED CLAYTON FOR AN INVESTIGATION!

AND THEN I'LL GET NO SLEEP BEFORE A LATE-NIGHT/EARLY-MORNING DRIVE HOME!

TOO MUCH STUFF!

So, here's a picture of me and my beautiful niece Stephanie, and Miss-Miss, and my great-niece Ginny (in the form of a bump).

SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!!! I'M GONNA BE A GREAT-AUNT!!!!!!!!!

Slán, ya'll!

Of Twitter, Fevers, and Solitary Confinement

So, I lied. I did not watch the Frontline about vaccines. I instead watched the Frontline about solitary confinement use in America's prisons.

Um... wow. The old adage, "If you treat someone like an animal, they will become an animal" is really very true. And I don't see how those guards and nurses get through their days without nightmares and just horrible, awful stress.

Then, Heath woke up with a raging fever. No strep, no ear infections, just fever. He wasn't in school today (Thursday) and he likely won't be going in tomorrow. Poor baby. But, he's my low-maintenance sick kid. Amelia and Jarrod can be a bit dramatic.

Mom was over this evening and asked Tyler for money, to which he was like, "Ppppppffffffftttttthhhhhhzzzzzzz!" So, yeah. Awkward.

I just spent an hour going through the Systems Atlanta twitter account, weeding out those reps and senators we followed because they were on aviation subcommittees, but now aren't, and adding on the newbies. I was REALLY hoping Ted Cruz had moved to a different committee. Alas. I did, at least, mute his ridiculousness. *Shiver*

And, that's about it. Here's a link to a video I found immensely funny. I have no idea why. I just find that random people doing stupid, random stuff in public enormously funny.

And here's a picture of Andy napping. Jus'cuz.

Dude. I Get It. I Didn't Post Yesterday.

It's probably a good thing I didn't post yesterday. I was rocketing down a spiral of cold, UTI, and finding out that some random Canadian TV producer thought I didn't have a personality. I did a bunch of crying, a whole lot of nose-blowing, and mucho freebasing of Cipro. I think the third grade teachers knew I was unhappy/not feeling well because when I went to help Mrs. Videkovich, practically everyone asked, "How are you?" Dude. Usually, no one talks to me when I'm there. I probably looked awful.

So, after a highly-emotional blog post at my other blog, a long text message exchange with Clint (who was chosen for a face-to-face interview with the Canadians) during which he got where I was coming from, and a long Facetime phone call with cousin Jennifer (during which we bashed all TV producers and all boyfriends), I felt somewhat better. Then, I decided to inhale some Advil PM and face the day with a full night's sleep, which I haven't had in over a week.

I feel MUCH better. That Canadian TV producer can go you-know-what herself.

Anyway, Mom has a new car. She went to the Honda dealership to see if she could extend the lease on her other Civic and they gave her a new one instead. And now she wants to ask Tyler for a loan. I may spend the evening with Randall because THAT'S going to go over like a lead balloon.

Speaking of lead, I was at the Bascomb book fair today (where NO ONE asked me how I was feeling, so I must look less heinous) and picked up the above book for the kids. Oh, who am I kidding? I got it for myself, too. Maybe if you're nice to me, I'll let you slobber all over it when you get home. It's pretty kickin'!

I saw Randall outside today as we were getting our mail. Sadly, he wasn't wearing a lampshade over his head, or dragging a case of beer behind him, or being followed by a passel of strippers. I informed him, in a voice dripping with disgust, that he's doing this whole "wife is out-of-town" thing wrong. Sad, really.

Did you know that you can watch PBS Frontline episodes on YouTube? HOLYCRAPIT'STHEBESTTHINGEVER! I will be eating chocolate in front of my computer tonight as I watch "The Vaccine War." *Facepalm* I am such a dork.

So, there you have it. All the goings-on (or lack thereof) in the Wellesley Crest cul-de-sac. Talk to you tomorrow!

Slán, ya'll!

Cipro and Cranberry Juice

I finally gave in and went to the doctor today. The title says it all.

Plus? I witnessed Amelia hitting Heath this afternoon. So, that pretty much set me off. Long, hard discussions about why we don't hit people, what she should have done instead, he's her only twin, why that's special, blah, blah, yadda, yadda. Being an adult stinks.

THEN?!? We heard from the Canadian production company. They didn't like me. They liked the other five. There were three of us girls who gave it a go. They said, "Christina and Nancy have great personalities." So.... yeah. I was tired that day, didn't feel good, and my roots were showing. So, they saw a 43-year-old tired mother with no personality. It's hard. They get a five-minute snippet and make a judgement and logically, I understand. But emotionally? Well, let's just say I'm going to go upstairs and hug my pillow and have a "I'm 13 years past my prime and some random TV producer in Canada who doesn't even know me says I have no personality and I'm going to let that affect me because I'm sick and had a bad day" pity party.

On a side note, Heath's room mom from first grade STILL has me on her email list. The Universe hates me.

Hope Ireland is swimmingly better than the shit storm over here. This will be me tomorrow:

Slán, ya'll!

Post-GAD, Post-You're In Ireland, Blues

I swear to Cthulhu we hadn't been drinking when we took this.

And, yet again, I am home from GAD and feeling completely and utterly wrecked.

It's official, I'm sick. Scratchy throat, coughing, who-knows-what all up in my sinuses. Thankfully, it didn't hit full force until this morning (Sunday). The alcohol last night probably didn't help. But, yes, I ended up in the bar at the Sonesta with those three yahoos in the picture and the USAD CEO. Turns out he's from West Virginia, too, and between the two of us, there was enough alcohol involved to induce giggling. Plus? I may have volunteered myself to help jumpstart USAD back in W(bG)V*.

I hope he remembers nothing because I'm not ready to help start up WVAD, much less a GAD team at Etowah. LAWD HEP!!!

At any rate can I just state that the hand-grading of over 1,000 Scantrons sucked? Lots? That scoring room was packed, PACKED I TELL YOU, with student volunteers. If it weren't for Maureen and those kids, we would have been sunk. Then, poor Annette had to hand-enter the scores. It's awful when your primary and backup Scantron machines fail simultaneously. John V has promised new electronic toys for next year. Until then, 2015 will go down in the annals of GAD history as the year we all quietly panicked and then pulled it off by the skin of our teeth. By the way? The coaches have NO clue. This is a secret we all take to our graves. Sign your name in blood at the bottom and we'll see you March 20th.

Marc was sick, as well, and Saturday morning he sounded like Barry White. Those soft, low, dulcet tones sounded so out of place coming out of his mouth and I had to snicker every time he asked Cary or Michelle a question. And Jeff said to tell you hello! He was so sad you had to leave early and he showed up at the bar ready to talk NASCAR with you! Poor thing. :(

OK. I've got to unpack, finish my thank you notes (STUPID SCANTRONS!) and get busy. Either that or I'm taking a nap. I hope all is well in Ireland!

Slán, ya'll!

*West (by God) Virginia!

Cold Chillin' With The Randall

So, I saw your in-laws' car in your driveway on Monday and I sent Randall an all-caps text that consisted of, "ZOMG THE PARENTS ARE HERE AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?!?!?" And then I couldn't, for the life of me, remember your MIL's name (I knew it was a car name, but I knew if I called her "Mustang" I would win the "Worst Neighbor of the Year" award.).

SHELBY!!!!

Girlfriend needs a sports car.

Anyway, I went over yesterday (Tuesday) for a quick visit and found out you're coming home on Saturday. SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Anyway, we're excited you'll be back in the lower 48. Meanwhile, Tyler woke up grumpy on his 43rd birthday. I am getting ready to bake his cake.

Love and miss you! Auf wiedersehen, ya'll!

Mary Lou Retton Lives Here

Yep. There she is in all her gymnastics glory. She had her first class today and LOVED IT and OH MY GOSH IT WAS AWESOME and DID YOU SEE ME ON THE BARS and I DO A REALLY GOOD BACK BEND!!!!! Yes, that is her shiny pink, brand spanking new, leotard. This house will never be the same. Tyler, being one for fairness, said, "Well, Amelia is in gymnastics and Heath is in drama. Jarrod needs something extra." So, off I go tomorrow to see if I can get Jarrod in a Monday or Thursday tae kwan do class. Let the chauffeur stage of parenthood begin.

Zumba kicked my rear this morning which means I'll go back tomorrow morning for more. I still haven't figured out what to get Tyler for his birthday. Could you send over some German strippers? Is that even a thing there? Or maybe you could AirMail me some bratwurst. Nah, just forget it. I'll figure it out.

CONGRATULATIONS ON ALL YOUR AWESOME SOFTWARE ACCOMPLISHMENTS!!!! Although, I did have a bit of a snicker when I got your text. The software is called QIMS? Spelled a bit differently, but "quim" was Victorian-era slang for lady bits. *Insert juvenile snickering and snorting here.* Feel free to full-face punch me when you get home. And I need to stop reading romance novels and all their euphemisms for bits.

I LOVE YOU AND AM SO PROUD THAT EVERYTHING IS GOING SO SMOOTHLY! Hopefully see you sooner rather than later!

Auf wiedersehen, ya'll!

Sunday Night... I Think There's a Game On Or Something*

Doing my ghost hunter thing. AKA being a dork.

The weekend was quiet. The kids played up and down the street, I did the chores no mother ever gets a break from, and Tyler hibernated in the downstairs server room because he just re-did all the cables and wiring. You know how it is when you re-organize/clean a room and you just want to spend all your time in it because for just a few, short days, it's a glorious thing? Well, that's Tyler and his computer room this weekend. And I can't blame him for it because, hey, my office is the shiz right now. Even Andy thinks so.

We received the HOA letter in the mail telling us about what happened at the annual meeting and our favorite guy actually ran for office again. He was not elected (THANK Flying Spaghetti Monster. Can I get a Ra-men?). I don't know why that man thinks he ever has a chance in hell of being elected back on the board. What an idiot.

(Chuck Senior just pulled into his driveway. How do I know? Well, it's after dark and he just hit the lock button on his key fob five bajillion times, thereby honking his car horn five bajillion times. BECAUSE ONCE ISN'T ENOUGH, CHUCK! IT'S NEVER ENOUGH, IS IT?!? IF THE CAR HONKS ONCE, IT'S LOCKED! TRUST ME ON THIS! JUST STOP IT WITH THE OCD CAR-LOCKING OR I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO LAKE ALLATOONA!)

Teri came by on Saturday because I haven't seen her in a coon's age. Girlfriend has been holding out on us BECAUSE SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND!!!! She's been seeing him since August and we managed to grill her about him. Seems we'll get to meet him sometime in the near future. She's doing good. We had a mutual parent bitch-fest. Rachel, take notes. Even when you're an adult, you'll be complaining about your parents. It's OK. That's the order of things. Someday, your kids will complain about you when they're adults. Take comfort in that.

Today (Sunday) was the "drive all the way to Medlock Bridge to meet up with clients who live in Bethlehem to present them with their evidence" day. And, boy, is it great evidence. I'll show you when you get back. It went well, but I was up late the night before working on the report and going over last-minute audio (thus the dorky picture above). We actually had a video clip of something shadowy moving across the screen to show them. Totally. Friggin'. Amazeballs. You'll flip when I show you.

And thus we kick off the "Dobson Birthday Week." Tyler and I will be 43 this week. For two whole days, I'll be married to an older man. Mah Sugar-Daddeh! I have no idea what to get him. Some years, I knock it out of the park. Other years, I have no clue. This? One of those years. But, we're going to hit the Kani house in Towne Lake on Wednesday for his birthday supper and Mom is fixing my dinner on Friday (ALL GREEK, BABY!). I will be running 20 miles on Saturday just to work off the cake.

And now, on that note, I leave you with this picture. I saw it on Reddit and laughed for a solid 20 minutes. I may have actually snorted a time or two. If you don't get it, I will smack you when you get home.

You're welcome. Auf wiedersehen, ya'll!

*Dude. The NFL can suck it.

It's the Weekend

Can I get an, AMEN?

Plus? It's 8:26PM on Friday night and I'm going to bed. I am SUCH a loser.

Hope Germany has been OK and that you're surviving and getting some sleep. LOVE AND MISS YOU!

Auf wiedersehen, ya'll!

More Shogun, More IDS, More Laundry, More Uptown Funk

Today was interesting*. As I was reading through NIDS hardware requirements, Lord Toranaga pointed out that maybe instead of using HP servers, we should have used Dell because of their savvy advertising techniques and their brand being more popular. I replied that for a 17th-century blood-thirsty Japanese feudal lord, he knew a lot about computers. That's when Omi-san ran in and shouted something about the laundry being finished. So, Mariko-san, Fujiko-san, and I folded clothes and gabbed about Englishmen and their beards over tea and coffee. Later, as I was doing dishes, Bruno Mars came by and we boogied down to some Uptown Funk while Lord Yabu tried, unsuccessfully to dance without his fan. It was quite hilarious.

All I know is that Anjin-san needs to calm. the. heck. down. and stop threatening Father Alvito with violence every time the Father tells Anjin-san that he's a God-cursed heretic. Those boys just need to go out to the backyard and have a fist fight and get it out of their systems.

While I was fixing my hair, Lord Ishido just sat on the edge of the tub and gave really unhelpful advice regarding the flat iron and just ended up looking like somebody farted. (It was him.)

Once I got the kids home from school, I told Roderigo that if he so much as tried to help them with their American government exam studies that I would turn him over my knee because Lord knows a 17th-century Portuguese sailor has NO business teaching government to 3rd graders.

And that was my Thursday. How was yours?

*And now you know what it's like to live in my head on a daily basis.

Michelle Obama Stole our Goldfish

Omg I didn't get a chance to post yesterday and I'm pretty disappointed. My goal was to post one everyday while you were gone and now it's ruined! D: But this just means you get double the info today which should be more entertaining! So let's see... Yesterday I woke up and went to the gym, it was back and bi day, it went very well! Then I got ready for school and went to school! It was a good day! After school I went tanning and I had to wait about 20 mins because 1) I was too early and couldn't tan till 3:36 and 2) the person in front of me was getting a membership and it took FOREVER! I used one of my upgrades so I got to go in the fancy #2 bed oooo ;) Then I went home and dad and I went to the field and threw some. Emma Erwin and her dad showed up and Emma said "hey do you mind if I hit a round real quick? It won't take long". Girl... we were there first and she just tried to kick us off! But of course we are nice people and let them hit a bucket, then dad and I continued throwing and I got to "show off" a bit :P Then we went home, had chicken penne pasta for dinner and it was a good night!

Then today, I went to the gym again, chest and tri day, yay! That went very well, I was sore the minute I left the gym. Got ready for school, went to school and had the same normal day up until 6th period dun dun dunnnnnn. Maddie and I are doing the project for anatomy, as you know, and we need goldfish. Well I was the goldfish girl and I realized during 6th period that didn't bring the goldfish (more like I didn't know I was suppose to bring them today, my instructions were not very clear lol) so Maddie and I had 1 hour to come up with something else. Due to the lovely Michelle Obama's new healthy obsession, we lack goldfish in our school vending machines... But we have cheeto puffs!  So we spend $2 on cheeto puffs then decided those wouldn't work because their hands would get all cheesy and I didn't think Mr. Murnan would want cheesy finger's touching his Wii remote. So we spent two more dollars on teddy grahams and just ate the cheeto puffs. Other than that though the experiment went pretty well. I think the result will be that yes eating and driving can cause reckless driving/distracted driving.

Mrs. Linda made us Gulosh (not sure how to spell it or if that's even what it is called... Dad said it was called that but he could've been pullin my leg. He also came up with Olly Wally Tumba before so who knows...) so we had that and garlic bread for dinner and it was delicious! Tomorrow is bath day for the boys and I have work so it should be a busy day! I hope it's not too busy for you and I hope you're having LOTS of fun!! We love and miss you lots!

Dogs are Disgusting and I Can't Live Without TV

Well, I had confirmation just this afternoon (Wednesday) that dogs are nasty creatures. Although, sometimes, said nastiness can come in handy. I walked downstairs, calling for Heath so that I could drive him to his drama workshop, and noticed a pile of cat barf in the living room. Catson Pollock strikes again! I thought, “OK. I’ll wipe up what I can when I get home in a few minutes.” Said few minutes came and, lo and behold, said pile of barf had greatly diminished.

Macy

Ew. I can’t even imagine why or how awful that tasted. Shiver

On an unrelated note, I. Need. TV. Tyler stayed home today and as I was going over work stuff, I had the TV on in the background. I was right in the middle of My 600LB Life, side-watching the drama unfold with Chuck’s weight loss surgery. Will he break his bad eating habits? Will his wife leave him because she’s so disgusted with his attitude? Will he lose the weight and his family? And then… right as his wife is serving him with divorce papers… the DirecTV goes out. Tyler, it seems, was in the basement all day, re-wiring everything, running new cable, organizing and cleaning up. So, I’m re-watching Shogun for the nine millionth time. Will Blackthorne make it back to Rotterdam? Will the Jesuit Father Alvito thwart his attempts to sink the Black Ship? Will Mariko-san ever teach him Japanese? Will Lord Toranaga ever smile? All I know it’s 12 hours and 30 minutes of Richard Chamberlain. RAWR!

As you can tell, life is a thrill a minute. I’ve updated you on animal antics and first world problems. The kids are good. Amelia wants to take gymnastics (ugh), Heath is just his happy-go-lucky self, and Jarrod is still trying to take down the neighborhood, one crash at a time.

Hope Germany is well and that you haven’t overstuffed yourself with brats. Because I would totally do that.

Auf wiedersehen, ya’ll!

Boring Tuesday

Utterly boring, utterly uneventful Tuesday. Everyone always complains about how awful Mondays are. I disagree. Tuesdays are worse. It's still the beginning of the week, you still have three more mornings to get to the weekend, and it's just blah.

In lieu of telling you about our day (more school, more homework, more piano, more texts with Sheryl and Kim asking "WHERE ARE THE KIDS?!?!? and me not really feeling guilty about not knowing where they are because, duh, free-range parent here, more fixing dinner they will ignore, more being boring and going to bed at 10PM), I present you this picture of Andy.

Because he's a feline badass.

Since I have nothing to add, I present you this video of Lil Bub. It's a magical two minutes that never gets old. Hopefully, the Internet trolls in Germany allow you to watch it.

That is all.

Auf wiedersehen, ya'll!

Where's the Dentist Office?

This morning started off fabulous because I got an extra hour of sleep! YAY! I woke up around 7:30 to shower and get ready for my dentist appointment around 9. Dad and I left here around 8:40 to make sure we arrived on time, and to give us time to fill out any paperwork they had for us. Well thank goodness we left so early because we spent about 10 mins looking for the dentist office in the shopping area by Wendy's and Mellow Mushroom. We couldn't find it so dad went back home to get the phone number off the counter and call the place while I waited in the parking lot for further instruction. Long story short, we finally figured out where it was and ended up arriving at the dentist right at 9:00!

Everyone there is VERY nice! They are all women, well I didn't see any male workers while I was there, and they are all as friendly as can be! My lady's name was Nancy and she lives in the back of Wellesley. She is also the sister-in-law to Tonya Sebring, she drives a little white bug so say hi to her if you see her, and her sons go to Auburn so she is familiar with Alabama. She is a very nice lady, but she poked me while she was cleaning my teeth and made my gums bleed. I'm ok though. I got x-rays of my mouth and turns out I need to get my wisdom teeth out! Yay... Dad said we should wait till August right before I go off to school but I say the sooner the better (the end of this month maybe?) Anyway, we can discuss a date when you get home.

So after the dentist I went off to school, again same old same old. I got to school during 3rd period so unfortunately I missed math and rec games. Nothing really sticks out in my mind to report about school... darn. Then I came home, talked to dad about what we are having for dinner (he made chicken penne pasta for tomorrow and tonight we are having the Silo Pizza!), finished my Spanish project, and after I am done typing this letter I am off to give the boys their flea medicine! We love and miss you lots and hope you're having fun!

Good Things Come In Small Packages... Or Medium-Sized Amazon Boxes

Yep. That would be a garbage truck.

Monday dawned cold and damp. It rained the night before and even though I knew it wouldn't snow or ice, a smidgen of me was hoping for just a little bit of black ice. Enough for a two-hour delay. Alas. The 5:30AM wake-up call came anyway.

I went to Zumba and poor Cherry had sprained her ankle on Sunday. She did modified steps, which messed her up because I don't think she's good with improvisation. I tried to follow Pillar (sp?) but she was kind of a train wreck. So I followed the lady next to her, with the pony tail. She's actually really good. (Not the short little spit-fire with the pony tail. And not the lady with the sling. This lady is rather plain-looking and taller and always up front. But a DAMNED good dancer.) From now on, I'm going to pay attention to her because she knows exactly what's going on.

Tyler is having me read all the marketing/proposal materials that our competitor turned in to the FAA when we were trying for that government contract back in 2009. It was a painful exercise and one I don't want to repeat, but will have to when I read more tomorrow. Maybe I'm reading a bit much into it, but it seems like their material is a combination of empty promises and shade being thrown our way (Lord, I have watched far too much Real Housewives of Atlanta - throwin' shade - HA!). I'll make it, but every now and then I throw my hands up and shout all manner of curse words at the screen. It's probably a good thing I put those non-see-through curtains on my office window.

When we got home from school, I discovered an Amazon box on my front stoop and it was a book I had ordered this summer. It's Laura Ingalls Wilder's Pioneer Girl. It's an unvarnished manuscript of her biography that she wrote before the Prairie books and from which she pulled the material for the Prairie books and made it more acceptable for young readers. Like, there's more in-depth stuff and it's more harsh, not gussied up at all. I tore into it this evening and haven't made it past the editor's introduction about how Laura and her daughter Rose worked on this book (Laura writing and Rose editing). I can't wait to get into the meat of it!

I got word that our neighbor in West Virginia passed away. Clyde, the husband, died in October (I know I told you). They lived across the street from us, had lived there since World War II, and were are oldest and dearest friends. After Clyde died, my mom was having a personal guilt trip about going back to see his wife, Goldie. Well, Goldie passed three days ago. Mom came by for chili this evening and cried and I could tell she felt guilty for not going back and visiting them. I'm telling you, man, I'm convinced that most of human grief involving death isn't about missing the person, it's about regret.

Well, enough of that deep shit. The feline Jackson Pollock has yet to strike again. I guess he's giving me a break after the marathon carpet cleaning. The kids are all well, but Jarrod refused, yet again, to wear a jacket while playing outside and came home 90 minutes later sobbing because he couldn't feel his hands. No. Sympathy. Put them under lukewarm water and we had a long discussion about, "Gee, maybe Mama isn't blowing smoke up your ass and actually knows what she's talking about. WHAT A CONCEPT!" Recovery was immediate and lesson was learned.

That's enough updating for now! I hope all is well in the Fatherland and we miss you!

(PS I saw Rachel's post and sent her a text about Randall, that we're here if she needs help and all that. Or to hide his body.)

Auf Wiedersehen!

Es no bueno que eres ido :(

Ido means gone, but I'll let you figure out the rest :)

Today was pretty uneventful. I got up at 5am and went to the gym. Maddie and Sarah Beth met me there and I had a great workout! Then I came home, got ready for school, and drove to school. On my way to school I saw a car accident right in front of the big speed bump between Etowah and Chapman, nothing serious though. Then I went about my normal school routine, math, rec games, lunch, Spanish (Profe has been back for a total of 5 days now! woohoo!), lit, gov, and anatomy. In anatomy we are conducting an "experiment" on multitasking. Maddie and I are partners and we have to create a scenario with multitasking involved. We decided to do a version of eating and driving. In class, people will play Mario Kart while eating food (which Maddie or I have to provide unfortunately), then Maddie and I collect the data and write about our results! TaDa! After school I came home to find dad laying on the couch with a pillow and a blanket... He is sick with a fever... yay... that means I'm probably next ugh. You better stay in Germany till this one passes because he doesn't look so good. Bear and Leo have been taking care of him of course. So much that Bear threw up today, poor buddy. I made a grocery list when I got home and went to Walmart to collect all the items we need to make all kinds of good dinners! So that means little to no eating out, don't worry. Walmart took about an hour and a half even though I only had to get about 40 items. I had to ask a woman where the pesto was because I spent about 20 mins looking for it. No joke. Then I came home, unloaded the groceries, and made dad and me a fancy, delicious dinner, BEEF STEW AND BISCUITS! It was very delicious if I do say so myself. And now I have made my way to the basement to type this letter to you, do some homework, possibly watch some tv, then off to bed to do it all over again tomorrow! I hope you are having a blast in Germany and I hope they aren't giving you too much work. We love and miss you lots :)

P.S The random Js in the last post were suppose to be smiley faces but for some reason they changed to Js...