Breaking Up With Pluto Is Hard To Do

Astronomers in 2005: PLUTO IS NOW A DWARF PLANET! THERE ARE ONLY EIGHT PLANETS IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM!

Everybody else: Srsly? That's cold, bro.

Pluto in 2015: That picture to the left.

As you can see, I've been glued to the Twitter all day, watching any and all updates from @NASA, and squeeing with glee at the comeuppance Pluto is giving to all those hack astronomers ten years ago. Ah, yes, revenge is a dish best served cold. -387 degrees Fahrenheit, to be exact.

Anyway, things have been the usual ho-hum here. Amelia went to the pediatrician yesterday who said, "Huh. Dunno. Let's test her for rectal strep!" Which... apparently... is a thing. And I had no idea. We'll, hopefully, get the results tomorrow. And I'm REALLY hoping that's what she has because I don't need another mysterious kid illness on my hands. Pneumonia 2015 'bout did me in.

Yesterday, at Kroger (aka The Ninth Circle of Hell), the boys saw "Birthday Cake Quaker Granola Bars" and this random sighting of absolutely nothing interesting led to them weaving down the cereal aisle (in addition to several others), loudly singing "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" The neighborhood now probably thinks I'm giving them 'ludes. And, as usual, my reputation as a stellar mother precedes me.

Speaking of which AT WHAT POINT DID IT BECOME CHEAPER TO SEND MY KIDS OUT OF STATE TO COLLEGE THAN IT IS TO SHOP WEEKLY AT KROGER?!? I mean, seriously? That shit is stupid-expensive. Like, here, take my kidney and I'll use that money to buy bread and milk. And by the way, where's the nearest dumpster so that I can collect our dinner?

Dude.

One of my azalea bushes has two blossoms on it.

All I can say is... GO HOME AZALEA BUSH! YOU'RE DRUNK! IT'S NOT SPRING! IT'S HOT-AS-FUCK*-MIDDLE-OF-THE-SUMMER! CHRISTMAS IN JULY SALES ARE GOING ON! THERE ARE NO EASTER EGGS! NO APRIL SHOWERS! ONLY BRUTAL, NEVER-ENDING HEAT AND MOSQUITOES! SAVE THAT SHIT FOR NEXT YEAR!

They don't bloom when I want them to and bloom when they damned well feel like it. It's bad enough my kids do that, but now my shrubbery has to do it, too?

#plantpuberty

My squirrel has returned every single day to gorge himself on my sunflower seeds/peanuts/corn yummies. And today? He brought a friend. That's two. By the weekend, I expect that to double to four. By the end of summer, I should have an army of squirrels to do my bidding AND I WILL RULE TOWNE LAKE!!!!

CREMATORIES ON EVERY CORNER!!!

PEANUT OFFERINGS ON EVERY FRONT PORCH!!!

COUCHES ON ALL THE LAWNS!!!

RUSTED HARLEY DAVIDSONS IN EVERY DRIVEWAY!!!

SQUIRREL MINION DOMINATION WILL BE MINE!!!

I should probably lay off the coffee.

I leave you with this final picture:

That's the view outside my window as I type this. It's about to storm buckets (severe thunderstorm watch and warning for another 15 minutes). The lightning is fierce and I should put this to bed. Hope all is well across The Big Pond!

Slán, ya'll!

*Last time I checked, this is NOT a family show. Ahem.