So, I'm sitting here, in my newly-cleaned office, enjoying that fresh/toxic smell of the Bissell Spot Bot cleaner, since Andy spit up so much in the past week, trying to figure out what to write. I'm thinking about just throwing in the towel and buying a Stanley Steemer franchise and having burly men clean my carpet once a week.
Hey, wait a minute. That's not a bad idea. Hmmmm.... I'll let you in on said carpet/burly men deal, but only if you promise to feed me large quantities of that fermented Kool-Aid you like to call "wine" that you have in your basement fridge. That stuff is RAD!
As I said, my office is STELLAR and I can't wait to finish cleaning out the fridge, washing some laundry, and taking a shower so that I can sit down in my red Ikea chair, turn on the TV to the Murder/Death/Kill channel (that's what Toni and I affectionately call the Investigation Discovery channel - it's because of that channel I know how to off everybody and hide their bodies - I don't, though, because with great power comes great responsibility.), and embroider the heck out of some blackwork.
Nothing exciting is happening in the 'sac right now. Mark is up the street revving his classic Corvette's engine. Which, I'm sure, means that Randall is cursing the fact that your windows are rattling. Whoops! He just honked the horn. THAT'S A FIRST! I saw Janice go up the street with Peaches this morning and Amelia walked Macy while Tyler went out for Dunkin' Donuts. Jarrod and Amelia just left to go up the street to "play with friends" (aka wreak havoc upon the neighborhood and come home muddy and filthy - what I like to call "free-range childhood" or "Mama is too busy writing her friend to directly supervise your butts") and Heath is watching Minecraft videos. He will get cut off in 25 minutes and spend a great deal of time whining and then give up and go play.
God, I love being evil.
Speaking of evil, Tyler and I finally took the plunge and joined Pottermore.com. We got sorted into our houses. He's Gryffindor and I'm Slytherin. At first, I was rather upset about this development. I figured, "I want Gryffindor, but I'll be happy with Ravenclaw." But, I then decided to embrace my Dark side and enjoy the fact that I'm one step away from being a Deatheater. I will be randomly shouting "AVADA KEDAVRA!" at people throughout the next month in the the hopes it works. As a side note, Tyler and I will be dueling on the front lawn later. All those hours of watching the Murder/Death/Kill channel will serve me when I win. That funeral home/crematorium can't get built fast enough.
On a happy note, regarding the impending Towne Lake Death Factory, mercury levels may rise in our area. So, we have that to look forward to. For your reading pleasure, I found a Georgia Senate 2012 Crematorium Study. It's only 11 pages long, but I'm sure it will be light reading before you go to bed. (http://www.senate.ga.gov/sro/Documents/StudyCommRpts/12CrematoriaStudy.pdf) As if you don't already have enough to do while you're in the Fatherland.
Well, I shall end this note for now. I will stand in the front yard and look longingly across the deadened sod to your house, until Randall calls the cops and has me arrested on some trumped-up stalking charge. HEY, MISTER! I'M SLYTHERIN! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE CREEPY! Until the next post, auf wiedersehen!
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