It's the Weekend

Can I get an, AMEN?

Plus? It's 8:26PM on Friday night and I'm going to bed. I am SUCH a loser.

Hope Germany has been OK and that you're surviving and getting some sleep. LOVE AND MISS YOU!

Auf wiedersehen, ya'll!

More Shogun, More IDS, More Laundry, More Uptown Funk

Today was interesting*. As I was reading through NIDS hardware requirements, Lord Toranaga pointed out that maybe instead of using HP servers, we should have used Dell because of their savvy advertising techniques and their brand being more popular. I replied that for a 17th-century blood-thirsty Japanese feudal lord, he knew a lot about computers. That's when Omi-san ran in and shouted something about the laundry being finished. So, Mariko-san, Fujiko-san, and I folded clothes and gabbed about Englishmen and their beards over tea and coffee. Later, as I was doing dishes, Bruno Mars came by and we boogied down to some Uptown Funk while Lord Yabu tried, unsuccessfully to dance without his fan. It was quite hilarious.

All I know is that Anjin-san needs to calm. the. heck. down. and stop threatening Father Alvito with violence every time the Father tells Anjin-san that he's a God-cursed heretic. Those boys just need to go out to the backyard and have a fist fight and get it out of their systems.

While I was fixing my hair, Lord Ishido just sat on the edge of the tub and gave really unhelpful advice regarding the flat iron and just ended up looking like somebody farted. (It was him.)

Once I got the kids home from school, I told Roderigo that if he so much as tried to help them with their American government exam studies that I would turn him over my knee because Lord knows a 17th-century Portuguese sailor has NO business teaching government to 3rd graders.

And that was my Thursday. How was yours?

*And now you know what it's like to live in my head on a daily basis.

Michelle Obama Stole our Goldfish

Omg I didn't get a chance to post yesterday and I'm pretty disappointed. My goal was to post one everyday while you were gone and now it's ruined! D: But this just means you get double the info today which should be more entertaining! So let's see... Yesterday I woke up and went to the gym, it was back and bi day, it went very well! Then I got ready for school and went to school! It was a good day! After school I went tanning and I had to wait about 20 mins because 1) I was too early and couldn't tan till 3:36 and 2) the person in front of me was getting a membership and it took FOREVER! I used one of my upgrades so I got to go in the fancy #2 bed oooo ;) Then I went home and dad and I went to the field and threw some. Emma Erwin and her dad showed up and Emma said "hey do you mind if I hit a round real quick? It won't take long". Girl... we were there first and she just tried to kick us off! But of course we are nice people and let them hit a bucket, then dad and I continued throwing and I got to "show off" a bit :P Then we went home, had chicken penne pasta for dinner and it was a good night!

Then today, I went to the gym again, chest and tri day, yay! That went very well, I was sore the minute I left the gym. Got ready for school, went to school and had the same normal day up until 6th period dun dun dunnnnnn. Maddie and I are doing the project for anatomy, as you know, and we need goldfish. Well I was the goldfish girl and I realized during 6th period that didn't bring the goldfish (more like I didn't know I was suppose to bring them today, my instructions were not very clear lol) so Maddie and I had 1 hour to come up with something else. Due to the lovely Michelle Obama's new healthy obsession, we lack goldfish in our school vending machines... But we have cheeto puffs!  So we spend $2 on cheeto puffs then decided those wouldn't work because their hands would get all cheesy and I didn't think Mr. Murnan would want cheesy finger's touching his Wii remote. So we spent two more dollars on teddy grahams and just ate the cheeto puffs. Other than that though the experiment went pretty well. I think the result will be that yes eating and driving can cause reckless driving/distracted driving.

Mrs. Linda made us Gulosh (not sure how to spell it or if that's even what it is called... Dad said it was called that but he could've been pullin my leg. He also came up with Olly Wally Tumba before so who knows...) so we had that and garlic bread for dinner and it was delicious! Tomorrow is bath day for the boys and I have work so it should be a busy day! I hope it's not too busy for you and I hope you're having LOTS of fun!! We love and miss you lots!

Dogs are Disgusting and I Can't Live Without TV

Well, I had confirmation just this afternoon (Wednesday) that dogs are nasty creatures. Although, sometimes, said nastiness can come in handy. I walked downstairs, calling for Heath so that I could drive him to his drama workshop, and noticed a pile of cat barf in the living room. Catson Pollock strikes again! I thought, “OK. I’ll wipe up what I can when I get home in a few minutes.” Said few minutes came and, lo and behold, said pile of barf had greatly diminished.

Macy

Ew. I can’t even imagine why or how awful that tasted. Shiver

On an unrelated note, I. Need. TV. Tyler stayed home today and as I was going over work stuff, I had the TV on in the background. I was right in the middle of My 600LB Life, side-watching the drama unfold with Chuck’s weight loss surgery. Will he break his bad eating habits? Will his wife leave him because she’s so disgusted with his attitude? Will he lose the weight and his family? And then… right as his wife is serving him with divorce papers… the DirecTV goes out. Tyler, it seems, was in the basement all day, re-wiring everything, running new cable, organizing and cleaning up. So, I’m re-watching Shogun for the nine millionth time. Will Blackthorne make it back to Rotterdam? Will the Jesuit Father Alvito thwart his attempts to sink the Black Ship? Will Mariko-san ever teach him Japanese? Will Lord Toranaga ever smile? All I know it’s 12 hours and 30 minutes of Richard Chamberlain. RAWR!

As you can tell, life is a thrill a minute. I’ve updated you on animal antics and first world problems. The kids are good. Amelia wants to take gymnastics (ugh), Heath is just his happy-go-lucky self, and Jarrod is still trying to take down the neighborhood, one crash at a time.

Hope Germany is well and that you haven’t overstuffed yourself with brats. Because I would totally do that.

Auf wiedersehen, ya’ll!

Boring Tuesday

Utterly boring, utterly uneventful Tuesday. Everyone always complains about how awful Mondays are. I disagree. Tuesdays are worse. It's still the beginning of the week, you still have three more mornings to get to the weekend, and it's just blah.

In lieu of telling you about our day (more school, more homework, more piano, more texts with Sheryl and Kim asking "WHERE ARE THE KIDS?!?!? and me not really feeling guilty about not knowing where they are because, duh, free-range parent here, more fixing dinner they will ignore, more being boring and going to bed at 10PM), I present you this picture of Andy.

Because he's a feline badass.

Since I have nothing to add, I present you this video of Lil Bub. It's a magical two minutes that never gets old. Hopefully, the Internet trolls in Germany allow you to watch it.

That is all.

Auf wiedersehen, ya'll!

Where's the Dentist Office?

This morning started off fabulous because I got an extra hour of sleep! YAY! I woke up around 7:30 to shower and get ready for my dentist appointment around 9. Dad and I left here around 8:40 to make sure we arrived on time, and to give us time to fill out any paperwork they had for us. Well thank goodness we left so early because we spent about 10 mins looking for the dentist office in the shopping area by Wendy's and Mellow Mushroom. We couldn't find it so dad went back home to get the phone number off the counter and call the place while I waited in the parking lot for further instruction. Long story short, we finally figured out where it was and ended up arriving at the dentist right at 9:00!

Everyone there is VERY nice! They are all women, well I didn't see any male workers while I was there, and they are all as friendly as can be! My lady's name was Nancy and she lives in the back of Wellesley. She is also the sister-in-law to Tonya Sebring, she drives a little white bug so say hi to her if you see her, and her sons go to Auburn so she is familiar with Alabama. She is a very nice lady, but she poked me while she was cleaning my teeth and made my gums bleed. I'm ok though. I got x-rays of my mouth and turns out I need to get my wisdom teeth out! Yay... Dad said we should wait till August right before I go off to school but I say the sooner the better (the end of this month maybe?) Anyway, we can discuss a date when you get home.

So after the dentist I went off to school, again same old same old. I got to school during 3rd period so unfortunately I missed math and rec games. Nothing really sticks out in my mind to report about school... darn. Then I came home, talked to dad about what we are having for dinner (he made chicken penne pasta for tomorrow and tonight we are having the Silo Pizza!), finished my Spanish project, and after I am done typing this letter I am off to give the boys their flea medicine! We love and miss you lots and hope you're having fun!

Good Things Come In Small Packages... Or Medium-Sized Amazon Boxes

Yep. That would be a garbage truck.

Monday dawned cold and damp. It rained the night before and even though I knew it wouldn't snow or ice, a smidgen of me was hoping for just a little bit of black ice. Enough for a two-hour delay. Alas. The 5:30AM wake-up call came anyway.

I went to Zumba and poor Cherry had sprained her ankle on Sunday. She did modified steps, which messed her up because I don't think she's good with improvisation. I tried to follow Pillar (sp?) but she was kind of a train wreck. So I followed the lady next to her, with the pony tail. She's actually really good. (Not the short little spit-fire with the pony tail. And not the lady with the sling. This lady is rather plain-looking and taller and always up front. But a DAMNED good dancer.) From now on, I'm going to pay attention to her because she knows exactly what's going on.

Tyler is having me read all the marketing/proposal materials that our competitor turned in to the FAA when we were trying for that government contract back in 2009. It was a painful exercise and one I don't want to repeat, but will have to when I read more tomorrow. Maybe I'm reading a bit much into it, but it seems like their material is a combination of empty promises and shade being thrown our way (Lord, I have watched far too much Real Housewives of Atlanta - throwin' shade - HA!). I'll make it, but every now and then I throw my hands up and shout all manner of curse words at the screen. It's probably a good thing I put those non-see-through curtains on my office window.

When we got home from school, I discovered an Amazon box on my front stoop and it was a book I had ordered this summer. It's Laura Ingalls Wilder's Pioneer Girl. It's an unvarnished manuscript of her biography that she wrote before the Prairie books and from which she pulled the material for the Prairie books and made it more acceptable for young readers. Like, there's more in-depth stuff and it's more harsh, not gussied up at all. I tore into it this evening and haven't made it past the editor's introduction about how Laura and her daughter Rose worked on this book (Laura writing and Rose editing). I can't wait to get into the meat of it!

I got word that our neighbor in West Virginia passed away. Clyde, the husband, died in October (I know I told you). They lived across the street from us, had lived there since World War II, and were are oldest and dearest friends. After Clyde died, my mom was having a personal guilt trip about going back to see his wife, Goldie. Well, Goldie passed three days ago. Mom came by for chili this evening and cried and I could tell she felt guilty for not going back and visiting them. I'm telling you, man, I'm convinced that most of human grief involving death isn't about missing the person, it's about regret.

Well, enough of that deep shit. The feline Jackson Pollock has yet to strike again. I guess he's giving me a break after the marathon carpet cleaning. The kids are all well, but Jarrod refused, yet again, to wear a jacket while playing outside and came home 90 minutes later sobbing because he couldn't feel his hands. No. Sympathy. Put them under lukewarm water and we had a long discussion about, "Gee, maybe Mama isn't blowing smoke up your ass and actually knows what she's talking about. WHAT A CONCEPT!" Recovery was immediate and lesson was learned.

That's enough updating for now! I hope all is well in the Fatherland and we miss you!

(PS I saw Rachel's post and sent her a text about Randall, that we're here if she needs help and all that. Or to hide his body.)

Auf Wiedersehen!

Es no bueno que eres ido :(

Ido means gone, but I'll let you figure out the rest :)

Today was pretty uneventful. I got up at 5am and went to the gym. Maddie and Sarah Beth met me there and I had a great workout! Then I came home, got ready for school, and drove to school. On my way to school I saw a car accident right in front of the big speed bump between Etowah and Chapman, nothing serious though. Then I went about my normal school routine, math, rec games, lunch, Spanish (Profe has been back for a total of 5 days now! woohoo!), lit, gov, and anatomy. In anatomy we are conducting an "experiment" on multitasking. Maddie and I are partners and we have to create a scenario with multitasking involved. We decided to do a version of eating and driving. In class, people will play Mario Kart while eating food (which Maddie or I have to provide unfortunately), then Maddie and I collect the data and write about our results! TaDa! After school I came home to find dad laying on the couch with a pillow and a blanket... He is sick with a fever... yay... that means I'm probably next ugh. You better stay in Germany till this one passes because he doesn't look so good. Bear and Leo have been taking care of him of course. So much that Bear threw up today, poor buddy. I made a grocery list when I got home and went to Walmart to collect all the items we need to make all kinds of good dinners! So that means little to no eating out, don't worry. Walmart took about an hour and a half even though I only had to get about 40 items. I had to ask a woman where the pesto was because I spent about 20 mins looking for it. No joke. Then I came home, unloaded the groceries, and made dad and me a fancy, delicious dinner, BEEF STEW AND BISCUITS! It was very delicious if I do say so myself. And now I have made my way to the basement to type this letter to you, do some homework, possibly watch some tv, then off to bed to do it all over again tomorrow! I hope you are having a blast in Germany and I hope they aren't giving you too much work. We love and miss you lots :)

P.S The random Js in the last post were suppose to be smiley faces but for some reason they changed to Js...

That Time I Was On a Paranormal Internet Radio Show... And Two People Listened

The Saturday you left was busy.

As I stated in the previous post, I cleaned up cat barf like nobody's business. (Andy LOVES his hobby. I just wish he also had opposable thumbs so he could, you know, clean up his hobby. He must think he's the four-legged Jackson Pollock.) And then finished my office, did some laundry, and blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda, I went to Mom's jewelry party.

You know, I was expecting a train wreck, but it was a good time. Roxanne came, and that helped, because I don't do well in a room full of strangers and even though Mom was there, those are all of her friends and with our checkered past, there's no telling WHAT those women think of me. It was nice to have one member of Team Heather there.

The funny part was the necklace I picked out to order for myself is the necklace Mom got for me for my birthday. So, it seems, we're a bit in-sync.

Weird.

I will say the jewelry is VERY versatile, but a lot of it isn't my taste. I felt bad for not signing up to host a party (I HATE telling people no.), but it was liberating to just walk out of there without that hanging over my head.

I left the party early because, no lie, I had a date at 7PM to be on a paranormal internet radio show... of which two people listened in (there's a chat room along with the live show and two other people were in it). It was a bit depressing, but then I realized that the show gets archived and is available to listen to WHENEVER! I'm hoping other people listen to the archived show in the coming days. So, if you have a free hour during your BUSY AS ALL GET-OUT Germany business trip, check it out. You can listen (and snicker) while you work. The host is Canadian and I wanted to laugh every time she said about. Excuse me, should have spelled that aboot. *Snicker!*

Here's the link:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/liveparanormal/2015/01/25/beyond-the-screen

Well, I must jet. Even though I'm posting this on Monday, I wrote this on Sunday and Tyler is downstairs tearing down part of the storage room in the basement. I smell a 911 call in my future. Crap, I just heard the drill. It's getting real down there, yo.

Auf wiedersehen!

Hey girl hey!

Hey girl hey! Today was the first day of many that you will be in Germany and Dad, the boys, and I will be stuck here in Georgia. We miss you SO much already, especially Bear and Leo! Last night Leo slept with me in my bed pretty much the entire night. Bear surprisingly slept with dad instead of on the couch! Leo did his usual bed swap several times of course, and he woke me up only twice in the middle of the night by wuffing a couple times to let me know he was there, then he finally decided he would just jump up on his own. This morning around 7:30 that stupid bird came tapping on the window for a few hours… I bet you don’t miss that! Then around 9:30 when I finally woke up I rolled over and I was greeted by a nice wet sneeze in the face from Leo J I walked down stairs to eat breakfast and I saw that Bear’s big stuffed animal hippo was laying on the kitchen counter and when I questioned dad about it he said he was throwing it at the window to scare the bird away, but guess what? The bird didn’t go away of course. Dad said he thought about shooting him with the bb gun but then decided he better not because he would feel bad. After breakfast I did some homework, gave the boys their heartworm medicine, made some mac-and-cheese (with milk this time, not sour cream), and got ready for work. Work was pretty uneventful today. I had all boys teams today, THANK GOD, and they were all little kids up until the last game which was 11/12^th graders. I told Cindy you left yesterday and she said she will come over and take care of me and dad LOL YAY! I just got home from work about an hour ago and now I’m sitting here typing this lovely letter to you! I love and miss you A LOT and I hope you have lots of fun! J

You Just Left... Be That Way.

So, I'm sitting here, in my newly-cleaned office, enjoying that fresh/toxic smell of the Bissell Spot Bot cleaner, since Andy spit up so much in the past week, trying to figure out what to write. I'm thinking about just throwing in the towel and buying a Stanley Steemer franchise and having burly men clean my carpet once a week.

Hey, wait a minute. That's not a bad idea. Hmmmm.... I'll let you in on said carpet/burly men deal, but only if you promise to feed me large quantities of that fermented Kool-Aid you like to call "wine" that you have in your basement fridge. That stuff is RAD!

As I said, my office is STELLAR and I can't wait to finish cleaning out the fridge, washing some laundry, and taking a shower so that I can sit down in my red Ikea chair, turn on the TV to the Murder/Death/Kill channel (that's what Toni and I affectionately call the Investigation Discovery channel - it's because of that channel I know how to off everybody and hide their bodies - I don't, though, because with great power comes great responsibility.), and embroider the heck out of some blackwork.

Nothing exciting is happening in the 'sac right now. Mark is up the street revving his classic Corvette's engine. Which, I'm sure, means that Randall is cursing the fact that your windows are rattling. Whoops! He just honked the horn. THAT'S A FIRST! I saw Janice go up the street with Peaches this morning and Amelia walked Macy while Tyler went out for Dunkin' Donuts. Jarrod and Amelia just left to go up the street to "play with friends" (aka wreak havoc upon the neighborhood and come home muddy and filthy - what I like to call "free-range childhood" or "Mama is too busy writing her friend to directly supervise your butts") and Heath is watching Minecraft videos. He will get cut off in 25 minutes and spend a great deal of time whining and then give up and go play.

God, I love being evil.

Speaking of evil, Tyler and I finally took the plunge and joined Pottermore.com. We got sorted into our houses. He's Gryffindor and I'm Slytherin. At first, I was rather upset about this development. I figured, "I want Gryffindor, but I'll be happy with Ravenclaw." But, I then decided to embrace my Dark side and enjoy the fact that I'm one step away from being a Deatheater. I will be randomly shouting "AVADA KEDAVRA!" at people throughout the next month in the the hopes it works. As a side note, Tyler and I will be dueling on the front lawn later. All those hours of watching the Murder/Death/Kill channel will serve me when I win. That funeral home/crematorium can't get built fast enough.

On a happy note, regarding the impending Towne Lake Death Factory, mercury levels may rise in our area. So, we have that to look forward to. For your reading pleasure, I found a Georgia Senate 2012 Crematorium Study. It's only 11 pages long, but I'm sure it will be light reading before you go to bed. (http://www.senate.ga.gov/sro/Documents/StudyCommRpts/12CrematoriaStudy.pdf) As if you don't already have enough to do while you're in the Fatherland.

Well, I shall end this note for now. I will stand in the front yard and look longingly across the deadened sod to your house, until Randall calls the cops and has me arrested on some trumped-up stalking charge. HEY, MISTER! I'M SLYTHERIN! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE CREEPY! Until the next post, auf wiedersehen!