The State of the Cul-de-Sac

OR

I'M PRETENDING THAT THIS IS LIKE A STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS AND THAT I'M IMPORTANT, LIKE THE PRESIDENT, WHEN REALLY I'M ONLY IN CHARGE OF A FEW SQUARE FEET OF BLACKTOP AND I'M NOT EVEN REALLY IN CHARGE OF THAT I'M JUST PRETENDING THAT I AM

Whew! Is that a stupid-long title, or what?

So. What's been happening. What's been happening. Buckle up, Buttercup, because this post is going to be a long one.

The weekend/Father's Day was good. We did the usual "eat all the things" and "take all the naps" and "open all the Father's Day gifts." We all went to The Holly Theater on Sunday to see "Lion King Jr." which is the performance that the older/teen kids put on after their two-week camp. It? Was AWESOME!!! As you can see by the included pictures, the kids were able to meet a couple of the cast members afterwards. They had their first day of theater camp on Monday and Jarrod will be "Ed" (the hyena with the crossed eyes who doesn't say anything - only laughs - perfect), Heath will be another major hyena character "Banzai" (voiced by Cheech Marin in the movie - yes, my son will be a stoner hyena), and Amelia will be part of the singing/dancing ensemble. She was not happy (she wanted to be Rafiiki), but she's warming up to the idea.

Scar

Mufasa

While we were gone on Monday, our shared lawn guy came buy and fertilized our grass. So, I decided today to water our lawns. Our front and side yards are good and I'll water our back yards tomorrow. I used our rotating sprinkler head, turned it on for 30 minutes, move it, do another section for 30 minutes, etc. So, no worries! OUR GRASSES WILL BE TEH MOST BEAUTIFUL!!! (P.S. I'm not telling you this for a cookie or something. I'm telling you so that when you get your water bill, you're not all "WTF CHEROKEE COUNTY?!? WE WERE OUT OF TOWN!!!! TAKE THIS BILL AND SHOVE IT!!!")

Looking dead sexy, amiright?

Toni and I had a blast at the Unclaimed Baggage Center and it was totally worth the 2 1/2 hour drive. The only disappointment? I couldn't buy these FABULOUS shoes because an ankle strap was missing. I did, however, pick up an Oregon State University Beavers shirt because nothing is more funny than a woman wearing a shirt with the word "BEAVERS" emblazoned across the front. I also found a Vince Camuto purse, retails for $300, got it for $75. WIN!!!

I am truly in charge of the cul-de-sac this week. I'm pretty sure the Shockeys are gone, too. Evidence? Check out this picture. Their cars haven't moved from these positions, the trash can hasn't budged since the garbage guys did their thing, and there are no lights on in the evening. I just can't figure out, though, how they left. I mean, all four of their cars are there. Do you think, maybe, they're dead and in the house? And the perpetrator just lined up the cars and nicely put out their garbage? Now, I'm kind of skeeved out. And worried. I should probably leave town.

This is either a good thing or a bad thing.

The craziest thing to happen thus far in the 'sac? Tyler's cousin, Lindsay, has struck again. She asked a friend, who has friends here in Woodstock, to have the Woodstock friends "check in with us" (translation - Make sure the godless heathen hasn't spontaneously combusted and taken the neighborhood with her.) Yeah. Nice people, but they came unannounced, this morning, I still had wet hair from my shower, they didn't give me their last names, were vague about why they were here, made small talk ("You have a beautiful front yard! How old is your subdivision? Did you go to Oregon State, too?"), and then asked to pray for me, with me, and then said they'd be back after their vacation. Fuck. Me. I did a Facebook search (searched for "Jean Woodstock" because her first name is Jean and they live here) and found them. The wife works for the First Baptist Church of Woodstock. OF COURSE SHE DOES! Even Tyler said that that was taking things a step too far. So, now, I have to formulate ANOTHER letter to send to her. I feel like sending a $200 check to the Church of Satan to become a registered member, send her my membership card, and tell her to bugger off. *Sigh* I guess I won't do that. I'll probably just tell her to stop or we're completely done. I may, still, go to the main Mormon web site and enter Lindsay's name as "Interested in having missionaries visit."

Yes, I am pure evil.

I think maybe just to seal the deal, I'll have a Black Mass performed in the front yard after you get home. Randy can serve as the "naked alter" right? I'll buy the black robes and candle, you buy the chicken to sacrifice.

I think I'm going to raid your schnapps supply.

Da Bears, ya'll!